I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
how can u be prego again
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I need to sanitize my soul.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
