I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
