Can Purell be used as lube?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
