his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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