oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
