Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
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