haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so let's talk penis.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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