You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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