chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
