Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
