She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I think my moral compass just broke
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