...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I want to be your penis for a week.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Randomize
