If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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