bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
