Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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