he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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