I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize