i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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