i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
