My hand turned me down
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
