I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize