i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
my liver is dry heaving
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
