Tell her she can't have a vagina
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
