We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
