I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
love makes seman taste better
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
