I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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