I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
