I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
