Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
