A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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