I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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