I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Ketchup is God's man juice
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize