Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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