You're my little dorito
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize