Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
