Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
