I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
