The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
