My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
