you would pick up someone in the library
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
