Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
