hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
