there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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