Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
