I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
