i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
