I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
