Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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