I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
