You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
