I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
