THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
