I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
