Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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