So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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