What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The feeling are messing with the penis
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
