The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize