Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
