I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
