Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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