They should really pass out barf bags in church
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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