I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
