I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
