you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
