3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize