no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
