Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
