I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
