I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
