i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
