we have officially lost it.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
