Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
