everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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