I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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