What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
it was like eating out sand paper
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
