I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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