ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just pee around me
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
