I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
