im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Randomize
