I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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