He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
