I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
God, I missed his penis.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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