There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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