think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
