When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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