"it" just moved
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
