I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
