I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Blood and glitter go together right?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
