my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
