When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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