Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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