Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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