shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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