pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
