9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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