I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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