Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
